Gates, Ballmer To Get Liver Transplants, Too

It was announced today that Bill Gates would be receiving a liver transplant within the next two weeks. The reason was not disclosed.

The announcement came from Steve Ballmer, Microsoft's current CEO, who said that he too will be getting a new liver. All of this comes on the heels of the recent disclosure that Steve Jobs just had a liver transplant.

"People have accused us of simply following in Apple's footsteps and copying everything they do years later," said Ballmer. "That is simply untrue. Organ replacement for top level Microsoft executives has been planned for some time now. Bill has been working on getting his liver transplant as part of his philanthropic humanitarian efforts. And I've been drinking heavily since Vista was released, as preparation for mine."

Ballmer said Jobs' recent transplant "was just an attempt to undercut Microsoft's long-planned internal organ replacement program and make us look foolish." The Microsoft CEO said he's planning on having many other internal organs replaced over the next few months, to demonstrate "that Microsoft isn't just some derivative copycat company that steals all its ideas from Apple." No word on which of Ballmer's other organs are candidates for replacement.


New iPhone Provides Support for Making "Telephone Calls"

In the recent WWDC announcements about the new iPhone 3G S, Apple failed to mention an important new capability being introduced. In addition to texting, emailing, and running custom apps, the new iPhone has the ability to make "telephone calls".

"This capability is revolutionary," said Grace Perspirada of WeAreThePhoneWatchers. "iPhone users accustomed to tweeting, texting, and emailing can now also talk directly to another human being using this 'telephone' functionality."

According to Perspirada, the new iPhone will enable you to "dial" a "phone number" that will allow you to speak directly to other people who have iPhones, other lesser mobile phones, and something called a "land line phone", which is apparently similar to an iPhone except you don't carry it with you (and you can't text, tweet, or email on it). These "land line phones" are not moved around like "mobile" phones, they sit in a stationary place, and are sometimes even tethered to the wall via a "cord". Surveys show that millions of people have these devices in their homes, including your grandparents. "It is perhaps a sign of our difficult economic times that people own these simpler single-purpose devices that do this one thing, without regard for the communication advances we have all grown accustomed to."

Perspirada noted that it will probably take some time for iPhone users to become aware of this feature and start using it. There has been a lot of buzz on Facebook and Twitter about it, with a large number of people asking each other questions about how the whole thing works.
@iphoneguru001 so wait u mean i hav 2 remember a 10 digit number 2 talk 2 sum1? y wudnt i just txt or tweet? sounds stooopiddddd.....and who wants 2 talk 2 ppl n e way?

Although the feature will be available in most of the world as soon as the new iPhone is available, AT&T announced that there will be some delays in providing this feature to iPhone users in the U.S. as it will not be able to handle this "telephone" traffic until they complete more upgrades to their network.